Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Five Little-Known Facts About the Second Presidential Assassin, Charles Giteau

He failed several times in his life to fill both of his knees with sawdust. This should have been a tell-tale sign that he would wind up killing President Garfield. If we only knew then what we know now about such disorders.

He loved Twinkies. Not as much as the possibility of killing the president though.

His mother often dressed him in corduroy and denim, Mr. Sedaris. Does this mean you want to kill the president?

He once wrote a poem entitled “James A. Garfield, I’m Going To Shoot You Twice in the Back with a Silver-Handled .44 Revolver While You’re Boarding a Locomotive at the Baltimore & Potomac Railroad Station in Washington, D.C.” Again, this should have garnered suspicion, but, much like today, nobody really gave a flying crap about poetry back in 1881.

He wanted to be a dentist in his teenage years. Instead, he just settled for killing the 20th president of the United States.


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