Monday, June 13, 2005

I Can Brighten Up Anything

Hi everybody!

I’m Geoffrey Kaleidoscope, and I can brighten up anything, from a drug overdose to a horrific car crash!

My multi-colored pants and wacky demeanor mean never having to be sad! Even if your child is dying of cancer!

What’s that? You say you can’t smile right now? That life is meaningless?

I don’t think so!

Just watch me as I create colorful balloon animals while wackily adjusting my comically-oversized bowtie!

What’s your favorite animal? A giraffe? Maybe a panda? I can make them all! And they don’t care about terminal diseases or gangrenous limbs!

Just smile and let Geoffrey and his madcap antics take care of everything!

Why just last week, I traveled to Africa after another reported outbreak of genocide in Darfur! Those supposed massacres were, in fact, a reality! But that didn’t stop the families of the assassinated from laughing harder than they ever have before! My mongoose impression gets them every time!

Hey, you gloomy Gus! No more tears! Geoffrey Kaleidoscope turns frowns into smiles with his neon orange vest and his Super Kazoo!

Yes, even when your auto-immune virus causes you to shit blood!

Do you need me to be there when the newly-installed elevator in your luxurious condominium complex plummets inexorably toward the earth? Done deal! My fantastic acrobatics will take your mind off the aforementioned soul-rending tragedy!

Like I say, each day is a gift—even when you find your baby dead in her crib!


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