Monday, April 18, 2005

Italian Dishes Yet to Be Exploited By High-End American Food Service

Bistecca al Cavallino

Ponies have long been considered to be precious and graceful by children and nuns, but in Naples, they’re just considered to be delicious.

Caffe’ all’Anatra

If you order your coffee all’anatra in Avellino, it will be served to you by a duck.

Latte Colpevole

A style of caffe-latte served in Venetian cafés that makes you feel incredibly guilty for a period of 24 hours after consuming it. Not necessarily because of decadence of the latte itself, but for all the other horrible shit you’ve done in your life, you selfish asshole.

Pollo alla Farfalla

A gypsy dish originating in the secluded Val d’Aosta. Traditionally, it’s a whole chicken filled with the wings of butterflies that have been torn off by gypsy children while the insects are still alive. However, in regions south of Genoa, the chicken and butterfly-wing stuffing is sometimes substituted with a Big Mac.

Caffe’ Cornuto

In this Salernian variation on the traditional espresso, the barista sleeps with your spouse. Male or female, it doesn’t matter. Italians are like that.

Tagliata di Manzo alla Futurista

A delicately seared cut of Chianina beef is thinly sliced, presented on a bed of arugula and garnished with speed, fire and the unceasing, roiling churn of the gears of industry.

Spaghetti Smascherati

In this classic pasta dish from Sicily, the spaghetti, in a decidedly Pirandellian turn, reveals itself to be—ironically—none other than you.

Cannolo al Borotalco

A light dusting of baby powder on your cannoli should not be seen as unusual if you order this dessert in the hill towns just outside of Rome. This dish dates back to the days of Caesar. How or why this tradition started, we don’t know. Just eat it so you can feel sophisticated, you slovenly fuck.


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