Monday, April 04, 2005

Outrageous Claims I Have Made While Drunk (Excerpt)

There is absolutely nothing better than Ecto-Cooler.

I would have no problem getting Maggie Gyllenhaal to date me once I met her.

I’m not saying that all Samoans are lazy, but, you know.

If push came to shove—when you get down to the fundamental reality of the situation—I don’t think fighting a mummy would be all that difficult.

Did you know that in every bag of peanut M&Ms, there’s always a poison one? That’s why you’ve got to eat the whole bag, because the other M&Ms counteract the poison one.

If I could only have one shirt, I would have the one that bass player Kenny Gradney from Little Feat wore during their 1975 performance on The Old Grey Whistle Test. It’s just a really cool shirt.

There is absolutely nothing better than Pepperoni Pizza Hot Pockets.


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