Thursday, June 02, 2005

Things I Want to Say to Rich White People

Just because you’re related to the co-founder of this country club doesn’t mean you get to go to Thailand and have sex with underage boys and get away with it. I have photos of you and I demand you pay me $500,000 immediately.

Sorry, Yancey, but I don’t see yachting ever becoming popular again.

Do you really think people give a donkey crap about the books your obnoxious child has or hasn’t read in the Guardians of Ga’hoole series?

Not only does your ear-piece cellular phone device make you look like an unemployed former extra from Babylon 5, but your taste in khaki shorts is bullshit.

I’m a gritty filmmaker, Craig. I make daring, provocative films and I like everything to be as authentic as possible. That’s why I’m going to really need you to actually let this large black man ass-rape you.

The upturned-collar look wasn’t cool in the ’80s and it’s not cool now. Same goes for the sweater-wrapped-around-the-shoulders look, Bunny.

While paying $50,000 for a heavy slate shower stall would be ostentatious, paying $45,000 for a wooden Easter Island head for your rooftop Zen garden is just incongruous. And you’re an idiot.

What’s up, Vanilla?

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