Monday, May 16, 2005

Big Business Must Be Stopped

Although we’ve done our best in this tiny hamlet, as well as the neighboring towns, to keep corporations and franchises like Wal-Mart and Starbucks from establishing themselves, we are now at a critical point.

Big business must be stopped from ruining this scenic area and spoiling the true spirit of community. What am I talking about? I’ll tell you.

The Corbeil Farm Ice Cream Stand is planning on opening a second location over in Northbury.

I was fine with the fact that Greg and Donna wanted to serve delicious farm-fresh ice cream from their small, almost makeshift stand when they started 8 years ago. They said they just wanted people to enjoy the delicious treats they produced and sold. But now it seems that greed has taken over.

Not content with only one ice cream stand, the bloodsucking Corbeils now want to ruin a 100-square-yard plot of nature in Northbury for their economic benefit. Sure, people will be sated during the blazingly hot summer days with frosty delicious flavors of treats like Mint Mocha Chip and Heath Bar Delight, but what about their souls?

Does this community have a conscience anymore? Do you want the Corbeil monopoly running roughshod over everything you hold dear, like chilled dairy products?

Open up your eyes, people! Are you so ignorant that you don’t see the insidious plot being perpetrated by the Corbeils? When I confronted Donna about their scheme in the cereal aisle of Grossman’s Market, she claimed that all they want to do is “make money” to “live” and “put their children through college” so that maybe Greg, Jr. and Sarah won’t have to “struggle” with the farm like they did.

Do you really buy that bullshit? Read between the lines: what they really want is to corner the market on family-owned ice cream stands in this remote and economically-depressed New England valley.

We need to put a stop to this!

I’m asking everybody to boycott the Corbeil Farm Ice Cream Stand this summer and drive those bastards into the ground. We’ll show those fat cats like Greg and Donna—who undoubtedly sleep on stacks of money in their ramshackle farmhouse, ignorant of the suffering of the working-class—that no independent business will be able to open up more than one location without being smeared with the epithet of “franchise.”

Oh, Greg claims they’re just a “mom and pop” operation, but from what I’ve seen, they’re just like that J.P. Morgan.

Except instead of steel and railroads, with Fudge Ripple and Pistachio.